JUST BEING THERE

Despite the casualness of the age in which we live, many feel people must say the right thing or suffer the consequences, so they choose not say anything at all. This can be true when someone dies. 

I once conducted a funeral for a popular church member and only half as many people attended as was expected. When I asked one member why he hadn't come, he said he didn't attend funerals often because he wasn't sure what to say. Rather than saying the wrong thing and possibly making the family feel worse, he avoided funerals all together. 

This is unfortunate. In times of loss, mourners will rarely remember what you may say, but they will remember that you were there. Attendance at funerals is declining, and I wish it were not the case. Just your being present is more important than whether you say the right thing. 

My first wife died in an auto accident when we were young, and many people attended her funerals, one in the congregation where I was serving and the other in her hometown. People there spoke words of comfort but I don't remember what they said. Someone afterwards said he heard awkward and inappropriate things spoken, but I didn't remember them. I just remember all the people who came. That's what really helped me and the boys.

In times of distress people rarely remember what we say, but they will remember that we were there. Family, friends and even strangers offer strength and comfort for our feelings of loss and loneliness. Their words may be appropriate or not, but their real gift is their presence.

Jesus didn't preach a sermon or raise the dead every time He attended a funeral. He helped people by His presence and even wept with the mourners (John 11:36, "See how He loved him.") In our losses, Jesus is always there with His comforting presence. Likewise, we can share our compassion simply by the gift of our presence. 

The next time you hear of a friend who has passed from this life, don't worry about whether your words to the survivors will be exactly what others think they should be. Just express them. Call the loved ones, write them or tell them your words of comfort in person. By doing so, you are being an ambassador for Christ to that person who needs to know His presence through you.

Your being there, even if you say nothing, says a lot!